teylaminh | (no subject)

I think last night's entry wins the award for "Most Pointless Ever". I had a point when I started, but I was obviously a lot more tired than I thought. Plus Paul had already drunk most of a bottle of wine before I got home and wouldn't STFU so I could concentrate on what I was trying to do, and I'd reached the point of tiredness where my brain was having trouble multi-tasking.

I was going to go on again after tea, but instead ended up watching "Interview with a Poltergeist", a documentary about the famous Enfield poltergeist in North London in the 1970s. Quite interesting, really, but quite a shame that at the time they didn't have the technology that the Most Haunted team do, since most of the video and audio footage leaves a lot to individual interpretation.

Probably just as well I didn't go on, anyway, because as soon as I got into bed I got out my personal journal and started scribbling in there like a madwoman. Starting that journal was probably the best thing I ever did, even though it sat empty for the best part of a year. Last night's entry was the first real, cathartic one in a while.

(I also lost the flow of that, because then Paul came to bed and got worried I was writing in it and kept interrupting me - "You're writing a lot! What's wrong?".)

I was going to tidy it up - as I often say I'm going to do - and put a version on here, but have since decided against it. I was also going to do a friends-filter rejigging, and decided against that as well.

I seem to have developed a particular sort of PMT that kicks in a week before I'm due and makes me supremely paranoid that nobody actually likes me, a paranoia which was triggered by several systematic events yesterday afternoon and evening. I can't be bothered to explain why, because I know full well it's petty and stupid... but knowing that doesn't make it go away.

The long and short of it is, whenever I lose friends, it's either into the ether, or to other friends, because they turn out to be cooler than me. I seem to end up as this floating entity somewhere in the middle of all the friendship, wanting to be a part of the energy and ending up as just... filling a gap. Sometimes the gap isn't there to start with.

This will pass in a week or so, I imagine, but it comes back every month and it's more than a little annoying. And, believe me, it's better than the previous bouts of ever-increasing PMT over as much as 72 days. This is just another of those annoying, niggling little issues that I should really try and deal with and will, as ever, wait until it goes away...

On the plus side, of course, writing things down did help immensely... and at least, these days, I have that luxury, and the words will actually transfer from brain to page without getting trapped.

Hopefully today won't be too annoying, and if it is then swimming tonight will calm me down again. Adrenaline = good for the soul. As is soprano singing. It's days like today I'm quite glad I don't work at LAO any more, as Sandra's very existence would be irriting.

Oh, and! Out of sight but not necessarily out of mind - if someone else's recent bullying case is anything to go by, I probably could've got Sandra fired for effectively bullying me, if I'd brought it up. I read the anti-harrassmnent policy back to front three times, but that only deals with specific harrassment issues like age, sex, sexuality, race, etc. There's no policy for 'general' harrassment.

And if the case Paul told me about the other day is also anything to go by, I could definitely have gotten her fired over her use of the term 'faggotty'...

I should stop writing this entry. My brain is full of randomness. Sorry.

*posts, closes window*

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I LOVE YOU!
♥♥♥♥♥

LOL.

Thank you.

I should blame ALL of my problems on Sandra, and then send horrible things through her letter box. In fact, I should do the latter anyway. :)

Good plan. Let's do it together, because we don't have ENOUGH bonding time. (I just realised that you are the only person at the moment who I see at least once a week. Except Drew, obviously). MORE bonding time! Swimming and scrabble and scheming against your ex-colleague and.... let's throw in a barbershop quartet for fun, hey? ;-)
I need to do more singing. I'm going strange.

Same here, but again other than Paul. And work people, of course, but they don't count...

LOL. Who shall else we have to join our barbershop quartet? Or we could form my silly goth choral metal band, if we can find some instrument-players...

I think you may have gone strange a long time ago. :P You can have my 'insane' icon onl this comment as a result.

I don't even have work people! I work on my own! I win! I <3 you more than you <3 me :-P

Dunno. Who else can sing? I'm not entirely confident that Drew and Yoshi would be up to much above karaoke.... I could be in a silly gosh choral metal band! I could play....um, a glock and a cymbal. Or a recorder. Drew can do piano.

You can have my weird icon where I'm not sure what I'm actually being photographed doing.

LOL, fair enough...

Um, that's a point. I think Derek can sing... I know Paul couldn't do it, though he can play guitar. The more silly instruments the better... I wanted Lorna to juggle.

You appear to be holding a plastic fork, so perhaps you're eating?

I'm also holding a lantern made out of a tin can with holes punched in it in a pretty pattern. My best guess is that I'm singing about my new lantern, using the fork as a microphone. I have no memory of doing this, but it's the sort of thing I'd do.

oddly i also get the "everyone hates me, they're not really my friend" thing about a week before i am on. i have no idea why, then the pain kicks in and i realise.
spooky - maybe!!

I think we have very similar paranoias, TBH...

She didn't call someone 'faggotty' did she???
omg! Did you ever report that?!

Unless she was describing a certain dish made of sheeps brains with gravy or something like that then she's well out of order.

We were having a general office conversation about homosexuality, though I don't remember why... I think she first mentioned it on going to see Brokeback Mountain at the cinema without knowing what it was about - I mean, who DIDN'T know what that was about?? But anyway, she used it in describing a gay man and there was quite an uncomfortable silence in the room for a while... Cynthia sort of repeated it and tried to laugh it off, you know. I probably should have reported her, but I knew it wouldn't achieve anything...

I do remember Liz H was in the room at the time (her sister is gay) and she was getting quite wound up with Sandra's stupid argument... I can't remember much else about it...

lol
I didn't know LizH's sister is gay. Come to think of it, I didn't even know she *had* a sister.

It's funny, how some people are really really homophobic, it's almost laughable sometimes.

I think it was her sister, anyway...

The annoying thing was that she was saying how she'd like to find a man who was nice and dressed well, but "not if he was faggotty"... Er, yes. I doubt he'd be intersted in you, then. (I suspect she's one of those people who think they just need a good woman...)

lol little Britain sketches abound.