The Stupid: It Hurts - Episode 3

[teylaminh]

I'm officially making this a series. Episode 1 was Brian from Big Brother last year, and episode 2 was the hotel for the wedding, although as it transpired they were more than reasonable about it.

Anyway. Today's episode comes in the form of the aforementioned mini-article in Tuesday's Metro:



Gah. At the time this made me unspeakably angry, but now it just makes my brain hurt trying to imagine the utter stupidity. Like, she thinks all authors have ghost writers. That's the worst part, aside from the general "whuh??" factor of the quote. The fact that she clearly doesn't understand the concept of being a writer in the slightest also makes me twitch.

And anyway, I thought she'd gone back to being plain old Katie Price again these days, not 'Jordan'. Only when her publicity requires it, it seems.

The best part is, her kids' book (the one referred to here, not her autobiography, although I imagine she's guilty of the crime of not writing either of them) was called My Pony Care Book, which is either a reference-type book or, as Paul has just suggested, a picture book. If the former, would you trust her with live animals? If the latter, why on earth would you need a ghost writer?

The stupid. It hurts.

PS: I'm still not entirely convinced it's a real quote, because honestly: is anyone really that dumb? But at the same time... we all saw the photos of her wedding, right? ;)

Comments

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

Not that it would in any way diminish the Stupid either way... but is it "why do you write yours?" or "why, do you write yours?"? 'Cause the latter would make slightly more sense in context... but would have the unfortunate side-effect of making me less disgusted at Jordon for asking the question, and more disgusted with the Metro for not thinking through the importance of a comma.

Sorry. It's like "The Seer O The Sands" all over again.

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

I thought the same thing. Both versions are equally horrible, obviously. Comma abuse has been rife in the Metro of late, so I wouldn't put it past them for just missing it out, but still... gah.

We can't even ask Jordan herself. I doubt she knows what a comma is. :P

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

HEH!!

Us: "Jordan. When you recounted what you'd said to JK Rowling, was there supposed to be a comma there?"
J: "...wot...?"
Us: "A comma. Was there supposed to be one? 'Cause it rather changes the meaning of the question if there was."
J: "................wot...?"
Us: "Uh huh. Right. On the plus side, you've got ellipsis down to an art form."

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

LOL. The spelling of "wot" totally made that.

I would be more tempted to ask, "Why don't you write yours?", personally.

Also, I want to finish that conversation with:

J: Thanks! *smilesmile* .......... wot?

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

Again, I say "HEH!". Sad thing is, I can absolutely picture her doing exactly that. The whole *smilesmile* thing and all. It's a mental image that is somewhere between traumatic and hilarious.

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

I've been re-reading customers_suck recently, hence the *smilesmile* thing. Also, somewhere in the background of this scene is JK Rowling gettnig ready to brain her with a hard-back copy of OotP...

Look at / read the word 'smile' long enough and it starts to sound really weird...

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

Now, it's possible I'm just getting this 'cause Sky has been plugging the new series of Gladiators incessantly for about three weeks... but I'm now picturing JKR with one of those big pugilists' sticks, with a hardback copy of the book on either end, while Jordan sort of stands there waving a make-up brush around.

Also, lol@the smile thing. I get that with a lot of words, especially when I'm trying to think of another word that suits the sentence just as well and failing to do so. It's very disorienting.

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

Hah! Double beatings would be no less than she deserves. :P I imagine they're standing on top of those little pedestal things, except where JKR has a nice comfy crashmat to land on, Jordan has a pit of vipers...

I get it with 'climb' too. It seems to be the 'i' words.

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

Or, better yet, Jordan has a pit of books... firstly, to keep up with the theme of JKR exacting vengeance by literature; and secondly, because death by ten-foot plummet followed by ten billion papercuts is absolutely a worthy punishment.

How about 'idiom'? <.<;;

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

Heh, yes. Papercuts AND vipers. :P

Long 'i' words. 'Climb', 'smile', 'fine'... no idea why...

Whereas indivisibility would cause no problem at all. :P

[thefleshfailure.livejournal.com]

Origami Vipers!

How about words like "why"... with a long-'i' sound but spelled with a Y?

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

Never tried it with 'why'... I think it's because you expect the 'i' to be short in most words so if you keep reading words like 'climb' over and over again your brain gets confused. Or mine does, at any rate. Whereas 'why' is spelt with a 'y'. Obviously. :)

[pandorasblog]

I don't know the paper/how reliable it's likely to be... if it's made-up, then it's well attuned to the public perception of Jordan. Perhaps if so, it's intended to lampoon the current vogue for celebrities writing kids' books. Darcy Bussel has a ballerina series... which she's doing with a ghost writer.

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

It's a free paper you get on public transport. Mostly it's got the same kind of news stories you get in the actual news, but I also question the reliability of this particular item, as it featured in the 'gossip' column which claims to be about 'celebrities behind closed doors'... without any actual source for the quotes. Which obviously makes most of them quite dubious.

The trend for 'celebrities' writing books (up to and including their car-crash autobiographies) is quite appalling enough. If you can't write, don't. It should really be that simple.

[pandorasblog]

Plus they're cluttering up the market when lots of people with real talent deserve shelf-space. That's my biggest problem with it. Jordan, you're rich enough already and you have lots of other ways to be noticed and earn money. For some people, writing is all they have and something they actually love and care about and work hard on...

[teylaminh.livejournal.com]

Exactly, and she's just pouring salt into the wound by not actually writing it herself and thereby not even caring about the writing process. Apparently in Jordan's world, books appear as if by magic.

Unfortunately, the general public keep on lapping it up...