(typed from a written version at about 11.00 this morning.)
today is sunday. as most of you know, sunday is the day when i am obligated to go to my father's house. i'm also obligated to talk to him. which is bizarre, really. because when i do, he's obviously not listening, and when i don't, obviously
(as i write this, my grandmother just phoned. she's coming too. oh, joy...)
so, i shall present to you the case for the prosecution, m'lud. today's conversational topics:
1) movies i've seen recently.
- "the hole" - trying to explain the plot isn't easy, so i gave up and just told him to watch it.
- "fight club" - i managed to explain the plot pretty well considering i was half-asleep for most of it. and i gave away the ending in the process, in an attempt to prove it was good, because anything with the word 'fight' in the title is going to be nothing but gratuitous violence, isn't it? (well, okay, yes, but it's also got a very clever plot to go with it...)
- "harvey". at least he agreed it was good. and (to my astonishment) had even heard of it. but my brief explanation of the 'farscape' situation that was partly responsible for my watching it wasn't of any interest, of course...
- other films on this christmas, including "some like it hot". he reeled off the cast to me (yes, i know, thank you...) and proceeded to complain about marylin munroe. i can't even be bothered to explain.
- my discovery of "knightmare" - he's never even heard of it. why am i not surprised?
3) "sunset boulevard" and related topics
- well, i decided to tell him about that Weekend. i mean, you'd think he'd want to know what he paid for, yes? i recounted the story of friday and saturday's antics as briefly as i could, including the all-important account of our stage door antics. i should be grateful, i suppose, that he's heard of faith brown (although i recall that was a struggle the first time around) but when i began to recount the Stage Door Experience, and said that jeremy finch was the first to appear, i got:
"never heard of him."
"no, you won't have..." then, "he was in 'band of brothers'." (which was merely a point i was making that he wasn't a completely obscure actor)
"i didn't see 'band of brothers'..."
*heavy sigh* so, even if he had
, i really doubt he'd remember the bit-part british paratrooper who appeared in one episode...
*clenches teeth* it's currently 11.45am. i'm tired. i'm cranky. i'm here til 18.00. and to top that off, this sodding house is freezing. (people have often said to me that i should just be glad my father isn't gay. my argument is that i'd really rather he was. at least he'd be interesting, non-prejudiced and have decent taste in music...)
(addendum after returning home.)
4) television, part two.
- all right, i will shamefully admit that i've become re-addicted to "eastenders" again. but it's still far less irritating than "coronation street" and "brookside". at least, that's my argument. anyway. my father is a great advocate of the blonde bimbo. his favourite musical 'artists' (i use the term lightly) include - wait for it - britney spears, christina aguilera, shania twain, shakira, and today i did espy an atomic kitten album on his table. etc, etc, etc... oh, and abba. because he likes the blonde one. "eastenders", being a soap, is meant to be a representation of the populace, and, therefore, the actors and actresses in it are not going to look like movie stars. they are going to look vaguely normal. and my father will persist in repeating the phrase, whenever a female character appears, "she's an ugly bitch, an' all..." no matter how much i tell him "yes, i know, you say that every week, it's not going to make it any more insightful the more times you repeat it..."
5) my grandmother
- my grandmother officially has the ability to kill my Muses where they stand. this is hardly surprising, mind you. and today really wasn't all that bad, just lots of little annoying things that start to grate on my nerves until i want to kill small creatures...
- she still wants my shaun the sheep bag. she seems to think that the more she whines about it, the more likely i'll be to give it to her. *ahem* nope, that's not going to work. oh, that, and she persists in calling it 'lamb bag'. did i mention she bought it a christmas present...?
- today i was using the spider bag. she found this equally adorable, of course. at least she doesn't want it. but did wonder which one i preferred. um. as if i'd actually thought about it...?
- before i move onto the main incident of the day, i'll just share with you the moment of utter random annoyance in the car as we were driving back. she asked me - and yes, i did hear her right - how i dried my hair
... i mean, it's short, and i do nothing to it. i towel it and leave it! it's not a difficult concept.
"i just leave it."
"what, to dry on it's own?"
"you don't comb it?"
"yes, i comb it."
"what sort of comb?"
"just... a comb!"
"a wide-toothed one?"
"a comb! a normal comb!"
please clarify that i am
in fact, speaking english! i mean, what is so hard to comprehend about the fact that i use a frelling comb!?
6) america, religion, and airports...
- okay, remember back in the summer i had a good old rant about my father's "american friend"? well, the time has come that they are going to meet. in america, obviously. despite the fact she has more money than him and was meant to be coming here in the first place. so, very soon, my father is going off to america, flying to new york, where he will stay for two days with said friend, before going by train to her cousin's place in annapolis and then on to wherever it is she lives...
conversation. i quote:
"you're not angry, then?"
"yes, actually. very."
which is, of course, true. insanely and deeply and murderously jealous, in fact, for reasons i can't even begin to delve into. and no, i do not want a present. especially not "a cap with new york on it", thank you very much. but i asked for the following, nevertheless:
- a chewing gum packet (with or without gum; i'm not fussy) - this is because aisha once produced a gum packet from her pocket and claimed it was my present, and, being an america-geek, i was incredibly pleased. needless to say, this request went down like a lead balloon in low gravity...
- a photograph, if possible, of one of those cool gas stations that you see in movies. although i'm sure most of those really cool ones only exist in new mexico ;)
- any coins left over that can't be changed back, to go with the $10 bill i already have from katie ;)
it's not much to ask for, really, is it? let's see how much of it i end up with...
anyway, the conversation between him and her got onto how he was getting to the airport - he's going by train, and was complaining that there was no direct train from his town to new street and he has to change at galton bridge. well, that serves him right for living in a different area code :P i suggested that perhaps getting the bus would be cheaper. but, oh no, that takes longer. feh. men. anyhoo, my grandmother suggested someone go with him to the station (no, really, i think he can manage it. he's a big boy of 51...) namely either herself or his brother.
cue the shouting. he wants nothing to do with his brother. he wants his brother to know nothing about his trip. my grandmother will not stop mentioning his brother, thus there is often much shouting that makes my brain start to ache intensely. they will never
learn not to frelling provoke each other!!
(as for what happened - it's a long story that would take me too long to go into. wait for the autobiography ;) but bang goes my chance of asking my uncle to give me away if or when i get married. i grow ever more certain as the years pass that i don't want my father's side of the family in my life in any way, shape or form, and the sooner that becomes a reality, the better...)
this argument went on for a while. then he told her his itinerary (after going off on a tangent to explain the difference between going on a package flight and a personal flight...) and that the 6 cousins of his friends were all devout catholics. now, he is an athiest. he's also a baptised anglican, which makes it tricky. my grandmother thinks she's the epitome of good christianity, and this leads to much aggravation on both sides. she told him to "be careful" and not mention anything untoward about jesus or god, as he has a tendency to do. (if anyone wondered exactly why
i'm so bloody opinionated, there's your answer...) he refused to listen. the argument ended on a somewhat sour note, as, in the midst of his anti-baptism rant, he shouted at her "what right did you have to baptise me?!"
a valid point, indeed. but not one you make to your mother. unsurprisingly, she refused to answer it and ignored the question entirely.
i recall saying "you have no idea how glad i am not to be baptised." at least, as far as i know, i'm not. my parents never baptised me. my mum suspects, however, that my grandmother may have done so in secret without telling anyone. i swear, if i found out that she did, it'll be the last she ever sees of me...
so, yes. good fun all round, really... and i was attempting to do sunsetfic at the time, and my Muses promptly gave up the ghost and hid until the shouting stopped. i don't blame them. family is bloody exhausting.