T'eyla Minh

Firstly, here's that same old meme-thing, taken from Eni and Eve respectively:

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

Secondly, I owe a few hugs here and there, so: *HUG*

Thirdly, because I was re-reading old entries today in a fit of sheer boredom (there's been barely anything to do today; I also re-themed my journal to something more summer-y) and realised it's been a very long time, here's that guess-the-song-from-the-lyrics meme...

Rules: randomise your MP3-player of choice (I'm using Winamp), then post your favourite lyric from each song that comes up (trying not to include the title), then let your f-list guess the artist and song. There's normally a limit of 10-15 songs but I've been known to go as high as 30. ;)

Usually Eni and queenc2346 pwn this kind of thing between them, but anyway... here it goes:

( Lyrics... )

Off you go, then. :P

Edited on 09/07/09 with answers.

New(ish) layout.  It's one of the default 'Expressive' themes until I can muster the creativity to make a proper one.  I wish S2 were easier to modify in the same way as S1; I prefer the S1 style system, but I like the fact that you can view tags and your own user icons with S2.  Meh.

There is something of a theme here in that I was trying to use Alanis lyrics, as I had the idea to use "I'm wrong and I'm sorry, baby" as a header.  The rest of it is slightly unoriginal, but I've used three songs which kind of define me:  Hand in my Pocket (my life, except in parts), So Pure (reminds me of Paul) and Everything (which reminds me of both of us).

So, there we go.

I'm running out of momentum already, and it's already quarter-to-Wednesday.  Tomorrow I must actually be productive, including:  sandpaper bannister in preparation for repainting; take bathroom light fitting to Argos to get it replaced because there is a nut missing (or rather, it fell out of the box behind the washing machine and we can't find it; Argos don't have to know that), and try to get Paul's new MP3-player working...

I hold out no hope of getting any of it done.  I really need to head into Kings Heath at some point in order to find some summer shirts for work and some smart black sandals that aren't frumpy, clunky or tarty, which will be an impossible task.  Even more impossible due to not really having the money to do so.

We won a tenner on the Dream Number lottery thing on Saturday, and £2.00 on a Piratical scratchcard.  If this is a winning streak, can we get a couple of million next time?

Ah well.  At least my stomach ache's gone.

I like this one.  Similar to the other MP3 lyrics meme, but somewhat more tricky.

Randomise your MP3s, then post the first five lyrics of the first 20 songs.  Then let people guess them.

1. Hold on to me, love; you... - Evanescence, My Last Breath - thefleshfailure
2. You never needed them. You... - Juliana Hatfield, Somebody Is Waiting For Me - thefleshfailure
3. Okay, Ike, you're my little...
4. How can I think I'm...
5. Are you blind when you're... - Cats, Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats - thefleshfailure
6. Small wonder you've not heard...
7.  I wanted you to know... - Seether (feat. Amy Lee), Broken - thefleshfailure
8. From ze day he vas...  (phonetic, if it helps) - Rocky Horror Show, Eddie's Teddy - collie_wing/queenc2346
9. I gave you three years... - Pink, Walk Away - queenc2346
10. No more talk of darkness... - Phantom of the Opera, All I Ask Of You - thefleshfailure
11. Thought it was funny when... - Dido, Isobel - thefleshfailure
12. This is not a monument... - Juliana Hatfield, Fade Away - thefleshfailure
13. The first time that I saw...
14. At the end of the...
15. Come on, babe, why don't...
16. Only you, you're the only...
17. Asla Thea stole a stallion... - Judy Collins, Anathea - translucent
18. Close my eyes.  Stay down... (oo-er...)
19. "Say, Janet."  "Yes?"  "I've got..." - Rocky Horror Show, Dammit Janet - collie_wing/queenc2346
20.  There's a bunch of birds...

Mostly showtunes, it seems, plus the usual miscellany/crap.  G'wan.

(PS: I fixed my mood theme.  I hate the web interface, especially its tendency to refuse to load again once you've saved anything.  So I recreated it from scratch using the console, after I did a quick rename of the image files to get rid of the numbers.  I wouldn't have had to do this if LJ hadn't broken it in the first place...)

I'm still addicted to Katie Melua's new album, so much so I haven't had time to listen to the Green Day one yet.  I've been meaning to post the lyrics to the following song here for ages because the first time I heard it I cried.  Not openly, just a little.  Aside from the obvious (you'll see), there's just something about it.  And then I realised how much it reminded me of John and Aeryn from Farscape, circa season 3 in Infinite Possibilites: Icarus Abides (with TaylnJohn rather than MoyaJohn, or John Black if you prefer...) and also of the end of season 2, Die Me Dichotomy.

Read on, and you shall see.

( Just Like Heaven )

The kind of lyrics that look wonderful on their own without the music as well.  The tune itself is quite bizarrely upbeat.

And then, there's this one, the track following, which I also liked before I realised that it inexplicably reminded me of Erik and Christine in Phantom of the Opera, more from Christine's individual perspective than both of them.  (Just Like Heaven can be read in both directions, John or Aeryn.)  Very definitely post-plot.  If I'd finished my other song fic I could so use this one as well...

( I Cried For You (Mary's Song) )

Katie's lyrics have come on in leaps and bounds since Belfast (Penguins and Cats), though that one was good in its own surreal, symbolic way.

I am very much loving this album.  *hugs it*

I keep going to look at terrifying pictures, but my brain can only handle about 5 in a row before it shuts down from the horror.  In particular, the latest one of a man shot in the head at close range, and a slightly older one of a deformed baby born of two drug abusers, were the worst.  Hence, don't click that link if you're of a sensitive nature...

Today was boring, really.  Had very little to do.  We called someone out to fix the printer after the man on the phone tried all possibilities, only to have the service bloke turn it off and on and have it work.  Which was embarrassing, and annoying, since I'd been doing that all morning to no avail.  Stupid machine.

Went to town to get a bus pass and got some chenile black-and-grey-stripey gloves for £2.00, which was nice.  I think I manged about 8 hours today.  8.15 to 5.20 or thereabouts, minus the 50 minutes I was out getting said bus pass and gloves.  I neeeeed to gain flex, dammit.

I'm really quite tired, so I'll play random online games for a bit and then probably slob in front of a DVD or something...

Oh, and this is what I was going to write about, as remembered on the bus: it's probably a bad thing that Catatonia's "Apathy Revolution" is my constant anthem...

( Lyrics )

Answers to lyrics meme from however many days ago it was:

1. Here I sit, much determined, ever ill-equipped. - Alanis Morissette - This Grudge
2. I never needed this.  I never needed anyone. - Juliana Hatfield - Somebody Is Waiting For Me
3. So go on and scream, scream at me. - Evanescence - Going Under
4. I saw your dreams and, infatuated with this freedom, you say the words and I could be them, and I'd be your angel. Catatonia - Part of the Furniture
5. When we're dead, they'll know just who we are. - Marylin Manson - The Nobodies
6. When you're alone and afraid, and you're completely amazed to find there's nothing anybody can do... - Meatloaf - Rolck & Roll Dreams Come Through
7. Are you sorry?  Are you kidding? - Chicago - We Both Reached For The Gun
8. Don't need your poison, me.  I'll dig the melancholy. - Catatonia - Is Everybody Here On Drugs?
9. If you were smart, you would keep on walking out of my life, as fast as you can. - Sunset Boulevard - Too Much In Love To Care
10. It's hard sometimes not to look away, and think, "What's the point?" Dido - Stoned

As usual, Eni won.

I finally got to watch Road To Perdition tonight, catching it randomly on Sky Movies 7 (formerly Sky Moviemax 2...)  I really wish I'd managed to see it at the cinema, because it's visually beautiful.  Tom Hanks is fantastic as usual, and the boy playing his son is also very very good.  Wonderful film.  Everyone needs to see it.

I suck at reviewing, sorry...

It's actually quite ironic (or something) that I've been listening to Seether's Disclaimer II for the entirety of my MH obsession and most of the writing of Come Forward (up to chapter 3, incidentally), yet the lyrics to this particular song struck me as being very apt for my Sunset Boulevard fic-timeline...

( Lyrics herewith. )

All right, all right.  Angsty and melodramatic.  The tune's pretty, okay?  It was the line about the photo, is all.  It's a key part of the entire fic, and once I'd got that mental image, the rest of the lyrics just seemed to fit.  Oddly, there aren't that many songs that DO fit Sunset, so I'm especially impressed that something by Seether, of all people, should be so apt.

I'll shut up.  I presume I'm going to my father's tomorrow; he hasn't texted to cancel (my father understands text messaging; I'm somewhat scared by this...) so that means I have to get up early.  Joy.  At least I can distract myself with EastEnders.  Failing that, the evil of I'm Famous and Frightened is apparently showing live at 2pm, so I'll watch that if I get absolutely desperate. I gave it a miss tonight as soon as I realised they'd decked the male celebrities in kilts.  Keith Chegwin in a kilt was disturbing enough; I didn't stick around to see Handy Andy Kane in one...

Edit: Oh, and collie_wing, I got your postcard this morning! :D

Listened to Whistle Down the Wind for no particular reason that I felt like listening to "Tyre Tracks", and felt the urge to post some lyrics...

( If Only )

Which then leads into:

( Tire Tracks and Broken Hearts )

I love that song...  Here's some random dialogue that I'd never noticed before: ( Amos/Swallow bits )

All right, all right, sappy.  I'm not entirely sure who I really 'ship for in this, probably Swallow/The Man rather than Swallow/Amos, but that's quite sweet, really...  Anyway, that all leads right into ( A Kiss Is A Terrible Thing To Waste )

Then it's sort of the same thing, with this as one of the other verses from the Man: "If you listen in the night/You can hear your plans fall through/One more fight you'll never win/One more dream that won't come true."  And then there's this short bit from Candy, ( Off-Ramp Exit to Paradise )

I love re-discovering lyrics. :)

This was pointless.  Sorry.  I promise to start making more constructive entries, if the heat dies down enough for my brain to function beyond "ooo, pretty"...

Yes, indeed.  And you can also blame queenc2346 for doing another one in her state of boredom.  A nice round hundred under the cut because the playlist is enormous (like, 477 songs, minus random repeats and reprises) now I've added things, and there are bound to be some repeats from last time...  More musicals now, more of everything else, and some completely random.  I put this here for those bored, procrastinating, or both.  Good luck, my pretties.

( Go, go, go! )

That's the first half done. May do more at about midnight since I'll probably still be up.  Off you go, then... :)

On your current playlist, hit shuffle and pick the first twenty songs on the list (no matter how cheesy or embarrassing), and write down your favourite line of the song. Try to avoid putting the song title in the line. Then have your friends comment and see if they know the songs.

(Though I warn you, there isn't much variety since I've only got stuff I've been copying/listening to addictively, and Winamp sucks at randomising... and my favourite lines tend to be entire verses, so... yeah.  Also? There's more than 20. I like this meme and hereby decree it a random quiz open to all. :D)

1. My black cab rolls through the neon disease.
2. You know I'm hung up on you; easy to give in.  (One for Eni, there...)
3. How 'bout unabashedly bawling your eyes out?  How 'bout not equating death with stopping?
4. I thought make-believe was truer than life, but now it's all confusion.
5. Love come quickly, because I don't think I can keep this monster in.
6. Wearing smells from laboratories, facing a dying nation. (Another one for Eni...)
7. Look, here she comes, now.  Bow down and stare in wonder.
8. Acting like a mover shaker dancing to Madonna, then you kissed me.
9. We had nothing, nothing to lose, but the best days of our lives are gone so soon. (I don't expect anyone to get this... And no, it's not Summer of '69.)
10. Feeling like I'm outside in the rain. (If nobody gets this, I shall be ashamed of you. :P)
11. Oh, I'm soft in the middle, still hurtin' a little.
12. It's just that everywhere I go, all the buildings know your name, like photographs and memories of love.
13. That I would be loved, even when I numb myself.
14. Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.
15. But I think more than I ought to think, I do things I never should do.
16. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away.
17. Forgive me if I seem to be impatient and obscene.
18. Aim for the burning sun you're trapped inside.
19. I love you when you dance.
20. I miss the mess he made of my head when we fought.
21. It's said that you're the kind to run and hide, yeah.
22. I lived like a wild and lonely soul, lost in a dream beyond control
23. I've done a lot.  God knows, I've tried to find the truth - I've even lied.  (And if nobody gets that, again, I'll be ashamed of you.)
24. I dream one day I'll find the one who lives inside my mind, and they'll feel the same way, too - we've all been used.
25. We stole the songs from birds in trees
26. And Flash Gordon was there in silver underwear (Don't disappoint me, people.)
27. By the light of the night, it'll all seem all right - I'll get you a Satanic mechanic (So. Not. Random...)
28. They recommended counselling, but I don't need to talk.
29. Another bruise to try and hide, another alibi to write.
30. I believe in you.  I'll give up everything just to find you.
31. I wonder is it wrong to feel so right?
32. Subway makes me nervous, people pushing me too far.
33. I'm the lie living for you so you can hide.
34. A saxophone was blowing on a rock and roll show.
35. Watching me, wanting me, I can feel you pull me down.
36. It's about being able to fly. It's about dying nine times.
37. Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me.
38. Not tormented daily, defeated by you.
39. Are you still mad I had an emotional affair?
40. And if I say how I feel again, is it wise to do it?

Okay, okay, I'm done.

Let the guesses commence!  Go on, you know you want to!

Answer provided in a few days when I get bored...

Wanted to attempt another black&white/coloured icon like the Betty one last night, and asked ennixeve if she had any requests.  Assuming she'd say "Max", I started thinking along those lines.  So, naturally, she suggests Farscape.  But at least she saved me the trouble of finding her a picture.

Have stolen one for my own use; all others are up for grabs, as usual, even though none of you care. ;)  Lyrics from Closest Thing to Crazy by Katie Melua, stemming from the associated AIM conversation.

... ... ... ... ... ...

I think I exhausted all possibilities for the lyrics...

i need to get out of this habit of finishing a very small percentage of the work i have to do, and then going off and doing something more interesting that takes four times as long... of course, it wouldn't have taken as long in the first place if my computer wouldn't keep crashing...

anyway, this is first of a song-set to alanis' that i would be good, not done in any order except that this was the line of it that inspired the set in the first place.  they're not all going to be spuffy (one might be buffy/giles, one applies to cordy...) but they'll all pretty much follow this format...

want, take, have.  credit me, if you do.

( the lyrics, if you were curious )

oh, so spuffy :D

incidentally, as of 8pm tomorrow, i'm getting XP. i concede defeat; this is bloody ridiculous.  feel free to point and laugh.

edit before bed: computer remained stable enough (but only just and with copious saving) for me to do another.



i'll tweak it later. it's a little too bright and green...

1) how long do we think it might take to rip my entire CD collection onto my hard drive?
2) how far do we think i'll get before my computer crashes?

*has just downloaded winamp and is feeling adventurous* i've got 85 albums (well, 85 CDs, anyway) and 27 singles; that's on average 4 songs per single and 12 per album, and probably the largest any MP3 can be is about 7MB, which is about 7.5GB in total (which, out of 56 remaining, isn't that bad...)

3) unrelated, but can anyone figure out why, all of a sudden, all of my posts under a given day are coming up as being done at the same time? there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with my style HTML, and while it's not that annoying, it does mean that going through entry by entry doesn't work...

bah. silly livejournal.

*has just solved problem* the 'update time automatically' feature had somehow become unchecked...

( current music lyrics, because theyr'e pretty and i'm not going to link them to 'chosen' in the slightest. no... )

also, "The songs we write are fantastic, and/We are the best lyricists in the land" has to be one of the best lines ever... :) (Vile Bros. Mountain Band...)

i have finally scanned the glorious, fantabulous picture of kittenspike that last_dance drew me for my birthday. if anyone has not yet been introduced to the phenomenon of kittenspike, the original concept can be found here. anyway, a while ago i decided it would be a good idea to make a t-shirt, just in case i ever get to meet james marsters again, ever, and the original plan was to make better photos with photoshopped ears, and put the proofs on the back. but now i don't have to, because i have this piece of wonderfulness to use instead:



isn't it fabulous?

and, because it's quicker than trying to email them to her, here are the lyrics to "closest thing to crazy" for ennixeve...

( Katie Melua - The Closest Thing to Crazy )

pretty, no?

okay, i'm done. i should go read more of trainspotting...

(cross-posted on teylaminh and spuffyness for geeking and relevance, respectively.)

i have just realised that practically the entire of evanescence's "fallen" album relates to buffy (well, buffy/spike, anyway) and while ordinarily i'd just put this down to current obsessiveness, it's too much of a coincidence. i've also attempted to fit it to other 'ships i support, and it doesn't fit like it does for buffy/spike. hm. do we think evanescence are, perchance, buffy fans? i hate to be one of those people who post lyrics, especially since i've already done a messenger-conversation-post, but i have to prove it... i won't deeply analyse, but the more you look, the more you find, and that's half the fun, so i'll leave it to you.

( going under )

right. hands up those who remember spike's line on "i'm drowning in you, summers"? for frell's sake, this is spike! "not tormented daily, defeated by you"? "i'm dying again"? "go on and scream, scream at me"? it's not just me, is it? i mean, i'm not imagining it, am i?

( bring me to life )

and, in contrast, this one is so obviously buffy... the second line reminds me of bad smutfic... *ahem* oh, frell it, the whole thing's buffy in season six while she was sleeping with spike. possibly a more, um, pleasant buffy. a non denial-buffy, but buffy, nonetheless. onwards...

( everybody's fool )

getting scared yet? back to spike, pretty much the entire of his feelings in season 6 in a nutshell. i envisage a spike inner-monologue as he watches her hang with the scoobs, when she refuses to tell them about their 'relationship', or maybe right after she's broken up with him. the "look, here she comes now" bit is very much a snarky spike...

the title of the next one alone is enough :)

( my immortal )

annoyingly, this one's very buffy/angel-ish. very, um, season 3 buffy. oh, yes, they are so buffy fans...

( haunted )

this is more both of them, yes? first buffy, then spike, again, during season 6. possibly early season 6 before "smashed" or even before OMWF.

the next, "tourniquet", isn't so relevant, even if it is annoyingly hummable... (and irritating in that she pronounces it 'turn-i-ket' instead of 'tor-ni-kay'). "imaginary" has pretty lyrics but is really more drusilla-esque... actually, it's probably saner than dru could come up with. anyway. oddly enough, the next three, on the second half of the album, seem to relate to season 7. on we go.

( taking over me )

oo. wow. now that one's impressive. the first bit's buffy, sort of, although it's not perfect. the chorus is entirely buffy, right before "showtime" when she rescued spike from the first. remember, she did admit after "first date" that she wasn't ready for him not to be there, and right before he was taken by the bringers, she said she believed in him. anyway, the second verse is spike, during "potential". not sure on the last verse, but it's kinda pretty anyway...

( my last breath )

okay, i just typed that out and started thinking about spike in "chosen" (not to spoil for those who've not seen it) and ended up nearly in tears. oy. but seriously, that's spike, and it's "chosen", and just wow. and the last bit's buffy... sort of. or possibly it could be spike again, at some point in either "touched" or the post-angel-argument in "chosen". wow. i will resist the urge to songfic...

( whisper )

all right, less with the buffy/spike, but still very "chosen", this time buffy's perspective... especially that last verse. although, thinking about it, the beginning's very much like "touched" (at least, it's like "touched" the way i imagined it :P)

and with that, i shall end this, possibly my geekiest entry ever, and leave you in peace.

could someone please wean me off evanescence? please?

i'm addicted to this song... help.

the challenge seems not to be learning the harmonies, but rather holding the original tune. the harmonies make it... considerably less dark and angsty. it could be the erik/christine love theme in an alternate universe. if it was sarah brightman and not barbra streisand, of course ;)

i have put it in a webpage for follks to download it, right here in MP3 form (about 5.7MB). everyone has to hear this. especially people who know "music of the night" as sung by michael crawford... and if only to humour me :)

and, in case anyone's wondering, here are ( the words )

it's poking my phanphic Muse something chronic. midasgirl'll be so pleased if i can get phic out of this *grin*

the song from whence the MSN argument derived...

( Being Alive )

these are the words off the michael crawford album, which are slightly different to the actual ones. ("somebody" instead of "someone to" in the first two verses, but nothing else) - also, the bracketed section is just because those verses aren't on there, either ;)

THE SONG LIST

As promised (probably for some time now), here's a list of some (if not all as more will be added as they come to me) of my favourite songs and reasons behind them. In no particular order; I make no promises to be non-angsty, either…

1) "On My Own" from "Les Miserables" (Boublil/Shoenberg/Kretzmer)

(I will put the lyrics of all the mentioned songs in an lj-cut. Even if you know them, sometimes if you just read them as they are, they make more sense and can seem more poignant than when set to music (which is actually bizarre as you'd expect it to be the other way aroud). Also, if you don't know them, I suppose it's half-way to knowing what I'm on about…)

( Lyrics )

For a while now, I've claimed this to be 'my song'. There are lots of songs that fit this criteria nowadays. This was the first one I ever actually listened to properly and said "Wow. That's me." Admittedly, at the time I was having a serious, stupid angst attack over one of my fictional character infatuations, but still, this song remains one of my favourites. All through what I now refer to as 'the crash of Summer 2001' (aka the whole failing-of-the-course saga), I listened addictively and obsessively to Les Mis and "The Phantom of the Opera"… and not once did I manage to sing along to "OMO" without crying my eyes out. I'm better now (sorta), but it's still a useful gauge. If I can get through it, it usually means I'm not as upset as I thought…

2) "Memory" from "Cats" (Lloyd Webber/Rice)

( Lyrics )

I've always liked this one… this explanation may be a shortened verstion of the "CATS" tribute thingy I have yet to write (which I will. Honest.) As a small child, I used to listen to "CATS" at my dad's house, not knowing what it was. I stopped when I was about 10 or so, then, when I saw the musical in Brum at age 14, I realised I knew it. All of it. And thus began the obsession. So. "Memory". I recall, on one of the two times I saw it, that I cried when Grizabella ascended to the Heaviside Layer, and during the reprise of this song. Having been more or less forced to learn to play it (the simple piano version, anyway), I learnt the lyrics by default. For a while, it was my favourite song of all time (I was young and naïve, okay?)

And now? Now, it makes me sad. Not because it's a sad song - at least, it's not that sad - but because "CATS" is now that memory, and those lyrics - "…when the dawn comes, tonight will be a memory, too" - ring true not only of the production itself on its closing night, but of all our lives. It has a certain hope to it, don't you think? And the title is now so very apt.

Resisting the urge to ramble on for another forty odd pages about how much the show means to me, yada yada yada, we move on to…

3) "Over The Rainbow" from "The Wizard of Oz" (Judy Garland version, of course)

( Lyrics )

This was the first song I ever learned. I was six years old, and I was completely in love with the movie, and I remember, vividly, sitting in the back of my grandmother's car, singing "Over The Rainbow" with all the words correct, feeling very proud of myself. Nobody taught it to me, and nobody told me to learn it. In a similar vein, I taught myself by ear how to play it (albeit in the wrong key) with one hand and impressed my entire family.

Oz was my first obsession. I watched the film regularly; in fact, I remember the good old days when it used to be on every Christmas Eve (and Dumbo was always on at 9.00 on Christmas morning, for some reason…) at 6.00pm. In my head, I had an entire school production of it planned - I wanted to be the Wicked Witch, of course - with members of my class and some of the older pupils as certain characters. It would have worked, too. (And goddammit, I should be working in theatre, but that's another point entirely.)

Aside from nostalgia values, the song itself has a message that I believe and which appeals to the part of me that still believes in magic… 'Somewhere over the rainbow', there has to be a better place than this, no matter how far, and no matter how one gets there. And if wishing on stars is the only way to do it, so be it…

(More than this, in light of Judy Garland's tragic existance, it's so gloriously ironic. I think if I ever commited suicide, it would be to this song because I guess, in a way, it could refer to the next plane of existance...)

But enough with the deep meaningful analysis. Let's move on... due warning is given of upcoming angsty life-rant... this one's been brewing for a while.

4) "One Day I'll Fly Away" from "Moulin Rouge" (at least, most recently…)

( Lyrics )

Like "Over The Rainbow", this has the same kind of hope of a better place, although in this case it's more literal… For me, it rings far too true. One day in the not-so-distant (I hope) future, I will fly away. I'll put everything bad behind me, including any unhealthy relationships in my life (nothing personal to anyone; just in general), and I'll stop dreaming and start actually living.

All my life, I've lived "from dream to dream" in the most obvious sense - in a little fantasy world that serves no purpose except to protect me from the 'real' world. When reality disappoints, I'll come up with a perfect version of events that exists solely in my head to make me feel better. Similarly, my future exists in the same kind of bubble; while doing OT at least, it was feasible and more or less within my grasp. Now, just in my mind's eye, there's a blank canvas; all I want is someone to come along with a paintbrush, a pencil, a needle and thread, anything, and draw or write or embroider what lies ahead in my life on it, just so I know. I hate the unexpectancy of it all; I hate not knowing where my life is going, or if it'll be anything near how I dream it to be.

Which, of course, it won't…

So, this song is true for me. I do dread the day when dreaming ends… it's really all I have to go on at the moment.

I've just realised I can think of no happymaking songs off the top of my head… all my favourites seem to be ultimately depressing. Sorry… I'll have another think when my head's cleared a bit. This'll do for a start, anyway…